Skyrim and the Desire to Be Independent - Mon, Oct 23, 2023
TES: Skyrim is like that one weird constant that is always in my life. And I think I know why.
This past week I found myself booting up my old Skyrim save. Is this a weird thing that I do once per year, or once every other year? Last time I did this, I was fresh out of college and overworking myself in the pursuit of a “career.” Now I am struggling to improve my life after 3 years of COVID-related isolation.
Basically, I am using Skyrim as my comfort game.
But why?
Well, first of all, Skyrim is great. But there’s another thing: Tamriel, the Skyrim world, allows me to be independent. “See that mountain over there? You can climb it!” (…goddammit Todd, you’re a genius.)
Skyrim allows me to be independent. It allows me to make decisions for myself, to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. Is this independence that I often lack during those times. Or, at least, it feels that I don’t have this independence.
I often get immersed in the world of Skyrim, just to do stuff that I want to do IRL. Gardening, beekeeping, homesteading, etc. Those are all things that I would like to do myself. But more often than not, I am reminded that I cannot do any of those things. Because, you know, I live in a concrete box in the middle of a big city, and the property prices out in the countryside are outrageous (I should write about this too).
Is that healthy?
Burying myself inside a video game? Most likely not. But in a world where real-life obligations often weigh heavily on our shoulders, the opportunity to step into the boots of the Dragonborn and shape our destiny is not only appealing but liberating. We can escape the constraints of reality, becoming the masters of our fate in a world where we can be in full control of our lives.
But there’s one more thing I like about Skyrim:
Associating Skyrim with the Romanian countryside.
Wild take, but hear me out:
- Skyrim inns? Village bars.
- Thanes and other royalty? Village mayors and their friends.
- Khajiit caravans outside of cities? [redacted].
Whenever I walk around Riverwood, with its General Store run by a family that doesn’t tolerate each other, with the Inn that gathers everyone in the evenings, with its romantic feuds between villagers, it reminds me of my youth, growing up in my grandparents’ village, in Eastern Romania.
Reminds me of a time that I might have not appreciated enough, a time that is slowly eroding as villages are either disappearing or getting out of poverty, a time that I often romanticize about, even though I shouldn’t. But a time I foolishly want to relive.
Anyway, this blog is going nowhere. So I will just end it here.